I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
