I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
