mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I am morally bankrupt
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
