Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
