I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
