i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize