I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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