I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize