I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
