woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
