The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
