atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
