This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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