That's intense
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
