Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
