I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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