So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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