your thong is hanging out like whoa
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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