Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He better not be in your backpack
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
