idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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