I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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