You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
