my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
