you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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