24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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