i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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