I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
