turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
