the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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