when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My penis needs a shock collar
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
