I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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