Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
