she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
