its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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