I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
