Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
