Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
