Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
