Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
