my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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