so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize