Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
