he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
