She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
