from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
