Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
