the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
