The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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