And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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