I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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