Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
