so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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