I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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