In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
