But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
