Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
