I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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