I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
