If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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