Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
