I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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