I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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