bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
