I hate all girls vehemently.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize