you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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